I see a lot of myself in you. Studying hard, reading books, obedient to teachers, standards held high by yourself, and already as stressed out as any adult. You’re constantly putting the pressure on your shoulders to succeed, and academic success is what matters in school. Top priority always and forever!
And here’s me telling you it’s ok to relax. I know you’re thinking about how to compete against the best, how you’re going to try to get into Waseda or some other top tier university, but you’re going to miss out on other opportunities if you only focus on the future. It won’t hurt to take a night off, go see a movie, go sing at karaoke, find yourself something fun to do.
Because you’ll have so much time later to be serious, you’ll have to be actually, so take the chances you get now to learn other things. Get to know your friends more, start figuring out how to be a good team player, join a club that’s not academic oriented (art club is always a good one that isn’t sports), and just don’t allow yourself to go too deep into your headspace.
I worry about you, because I remember being like you. I remember staying up nights crying and miserable because I couldn’t get the math problems right, and I hated myself so much for never being the perfect student. Don’t be hard on yourself like I was, don’t wrap up your whole identity in grades and scores. Those sheets of paper aren’t going to make or break your future, you’re going to succeed regardless.
See, you’ve already got most of the best adult features down. You learn and don’t need to be told twice to do something. You push yourself to improve instead of other people making you better. At any job you go into, you’ll be fine because no one will have to hover over your shoulder or threaten to fire you if you don’t do your job. You’ve already got that “can-do” attitude they’re always looking for in any field.
Just don’t fall into that comparison trap, comparing yourself to other people you think are doing “better” than you. No one is perfect, and you don’t need to be number one to get into any university. You just have to do your best, but not at the cost of braking yourself to accomplish it. If even your best isn’t enough, then go for something else, and change your ideas for your future.
It’s ok to change course, by the way, it’s not failure to decide you’re not going to some fancy private school. You choose the best path for you, not some imaginary perfect person’s future, but your own dreams and goals. Take some time to think, experience new things, travel around if you can, discover what inspires you.
If you spend all your time at school and home, you’ll never know what you’re meant to do or to become. You’ll just get trapped in this endless cycle of overworking, over studying, and over doing it all without a clear reason for why. Maybe your parents are wanting you to be a doctor, but is that what you want? Maybe you are forcing yourself to become a salaryman, but is that what you want?
Don’t spend 18+ years working for something, only to discover as soon as you’re out on your own that’s not what you’re meant for, and that you’re now drifting directionless. Instead, start looking for what you want, and start working toward that instead. Gain focus and clarity, not just more A’s for a transcript.
Of course good grades are what parents and teachers want to see, but that doesn’t mean they should mean everything to you. Please, take care of yourself, and give yourself more than just tests as a degree of self worth.
You’re already worthy just as you are.