Posted in Slice of Life

When You Say You’re Bi

Dedicated to all the people who get mad I won’t go home with them because they can’t grasp bisexuality.


Person who claims to be interested in me, “Oh, so which do you prefer?”

“…I’m bisexual, I like anyone who isn’t an asshole.”

“But which do you date more?”

A very long and beleaguered sigh. “I’ve dated all across the spectrum at this point, but more women identifying nowadays.”

“Ok, so you’re more gay than straight.”

“That’s…that’s not how that works. I’m not straight, I’m the B in LGBT.”

“Well, you want to marry a woman right?”

“Marriage really isn’t a priority for me. I’d like to fall in love with someone, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Do you want to marry both?”

“I’m monogamous, so I think the answer you’re looking for is no. By the way, this date is turning into an interrogation which is kind of a turn off-.”

“But when you get married, that’s when you choose, right?”

“What? No, I’m not choosing a side. Just because you get married doesn’t mean you stop being attracted to people. Getting married wouldn’t ‘cure’ me of being bi.”

“Yeah, but wait, are you saying you would cheat?”

“No, but that is a common stereotype thrown at bis and pans, so thanks for assuming that.”

“Still, it sounds like you want everybody, ya know.”

“Yeah, that’s also a common stereotype, and a dangerous one because people think we’re always up for sex and try to force it on us.”

“Well, you should consider maybe being safer and just pick one.”

“Wow, do you tell all your dates to stop being queer for safety reasons or am I just special?”

“Look, if you’re attracted to everyone-.”

“Still not attracted to terrible people, actually, speaking of-.”

“-but I’ve heard that bisexuals aren’t attracted to transgender people?”

I groan and wish I could just punt the date into the sun. “No, transpobes exist across all the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, but I will date a trans person. However, gender identity and expression do affect how I am attracted to some people over others.”

“So, you’re attracted to someone like me, right?”

“Nope. At this point in the conversation I want to go home and be one with blissful silence.”

“Gee, why you gotta be such a bitch?”

“I AM NOT YOUR LIVING PERSONAL GOOGLE, YOU EMPTY POPTART!”


And that’s why I usually end up going home alone. Thank you for your time.